18 posts tagged “friends”
So, it's finals week. We all know what that means.
I got the invitation to Pam and Dana's wedding yesterday. It's beautiful, and I'm excited to go... my first wedding in a long while. There was a short little phrase, a very sweet and sentimental thought, letterpressed on the inside. Maybe another time I'll come back and add it.
But for now, suffice it to say, it made me ache a little bit. It's just another in a long line of revelations about myself that I really could have lived without this week. It's hard to admit, because it makes me feel sad and makes me look more than a little pathetic.
But, for the moment, all I can do is try to breathe through this week, survive and live to fight another day, and hope that each successive day brings me a little closer to what is to be, and to what I am to become.
A very good weekend, indeed.
- I lost my Jimmy Buffett "virginity" on Thursday night. Dad took me to the Buffett concert at Riverport - my birthday present. It was a seriously good time - the peoplewatching is second-to-none. Things seen: a blender powered by a Weed Eater motor, a flagpole with both Buffett pirate and Mizzou flags, and several of my dad's coworkers. The music was solid, the liquor flowing - it was everything it is purported to be, and if anyone ever has the chance to go to a Buffett show, do it.
- I bought a new-to-me car - a 2006 Chevy Aveo with about 33K miles. It's a nice, very small car, with fairly decent gas mileage... and nothing falling off the bottom of it. I can actually hear myself think in this car - the last one was desperately needed about $1000 in repairs, including a new muffler, new central exhaust, and new axles and boots. Anyway... it's silver and it needs a name. I have not yet ascertained my car's "gender," but suggestions are appreciated.
- I went to services with my dad on Friday night. Mom wasn't feeling that great, but we were on Oneg duty, so someone had to go. It was a very small minyan - maybe 15 people. A funny moment: it is our tradition that the pre-b'nai mitzvot children (under 13) undress the Torah before it's read. On Friday, I was the youngest person there, so I was goaded into undressing the Torah, which I haven't done in almost 10 years. Quite a bit of teasing ensued.
- After services, I spent some time with Zach, which was really great - I've missed him a lot this year, and haven't seen him since he was in Chicago for a protest at the end of October. So we went for a drink and then hung out at his dad's for a while, watched the end of the Cardinals game and caught up.
- Saturday was mostly a study day, and then we went for dinner with Aunt Ruth for my birthday. She made a pie for dessert, and I stayed around for a little bit after my parents left, just to talk to her about things.
I should be heading back to Chicago in a little bit, just waiting for my iPod to charge... this week is not going to be an easy one in any sense of the imagination!
Forethought: I'm done worrying for awhile. I've got lots of good things coming to me. I'm going home for the Buffett concert tomorrow night, and I'm getting a new car this weekend. I'm seeing Mizzou friends, and going out to dinner with the family. I have the city with Abby on Thursday, Spa Night with the girls on Friday, and an evening out on Saturday which I am very excited for. They are going to be good days, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let anyone stand in the way of that.
On with the show...
I love springtime so, so much. We are rapidly approaching the time of year where I'd prefer to be outside almost constantly. Flowers are starting to come up - there are roadside daffodils everywhere, and the tulips here are finally starting to come up. The air smells good, and it's warm outside. Our windows are open during the day, and I am happy.
There are people here that I've been neglecting a little bit lately, when I've been using my time selfishly, and I've been trying harder to get away from that. I'm trying to be a better friend to all of my friends, and that means spending my time differently than I have been lately. So, Abby, whom I have become good friends with over the last couple of months, talked me into going into the city today, for a change of scenery.
What a great day - how wonderful to be away and enjoy myself. We studied at Panera for most of the afternoon, then dropped our bags in the car and went for a walk by the lake. As much as I find myself saying that I'm not a fan of Chicago, I have to remember that I have very little experience with the city itself. I hope that, this summer, I have a little more time to enjoy it a little more.
The week wasn't quite as bad as I thought it was going to be, just very, very busy, and replete with long days. I have friends now who work - with their real lives and spouses and kids who always snicker a little bit when I say a day is long. Who am I to complain, I'm sure they wonder, about a day that "starts" at 8AM and ends at 4PM, with an hour for lunch and a comparatively short commute. Except for that my day rarely ends at 4PM. For every hour we spend in class, they tell us, we should be spending two hours studying. It's an impossibility they fail to consider, when there are only 24 hours in a day, but we make it up on the weekends. Enough complaining - my life's not that hard, and there's not that much to it.
It really was a pretty good week. Brown cows on Wednesday night, and dinner on Thursday. I made chicken fingers, saffron rice, and broccoli, with pavlovas with fruit salad and ice cream for dessert. The pavlovas were very pretty, for something made on the fly. I had planned to make a really good mac and cheese, but it didn't really work out as planned, and I had it tonight for dinner instead.
Friday, I went to dinner with some classmates, and then out for pie. It was, as usual, a good time. I'm enjoying getting to know Susan and her husband better - they're always great fun and good for a laugh. And, I'm ever-appreciative of a good slice of lemon meringue pie.
Yesterday, I finally got to see Alyssa. I hadn't seen her since she left for Paris, so more than a year now. We had dinner at this nice little vegetarian restaurant in Evanston, a good choice on my part as she is vegan. I got a fairly decent quiche - as a rule, I like my eggs a little "drier" than this restaurant seemed to be serving them, but it wasn't bad at all. She got tofu fried rice and a vegan cappuccino brownie, which was alright, but I can't seem to wrap myself around the idea of vegan chocolate, no matter how hard I try. At any rate, the conversation was great, and it was so good to see her. She's one of the people from Mizzou that I really, really miss. I got a little bit of studying done once I got home, but it was overall a pretty chill night.
And today, of course, was almost nothing but studying. I've managed to get totally caught up in biochem, which wasn't such a tall order as much as it was time-consuming. And now it's onto neural transmission for neuroscience - a truly thrilling venture.
A new term starts for me on Monday - I'm finishing up biochemistry, starting Neuroscience and Genetics, and taking online courses in Ethics and Epidemiology. I'm excited to be in some new classes, for the challenge and the thrill of new material.
I'm also excited, even ready, to go back to Chicago this weekend. It's still not home, but it is where most of my life is now, which is simultaneously great and also terrifying. It's got the highest density of "my people," in terms of people who get me and understand better than most (with Lacey being the obvious exception) what my life is like. It's only just been in the past couple of months (weeks?) that I've felt like there was anything keeping me there besides school.
It hasn't been that long since I've been that happy in a place - I love Columbia, and there are days when I miss it so much that I ache for my places there, sitting under "my" tree, sipping coffee at Lakota, watching Thursday night TV in Lacey's living room. But it's not home now - most of my people aren't there anymore and when I go back, I'm going back for visits, to see the few people who are left and to be in my places.
The new year has been a strange mix of happiness and panic, stress and frustration. But I can't think, except for an afternoon here, an hour or so there, where I've been genuinely unhappy. And there have been a lot of situations where I've caught myself working without a net, and doing things I never thought I'd do. And there are some times when I catch myself thinking, "What's happened to me?" It's happened a lot since I've been home, when I think about Chicago and the things that I miss there. And the people that I miss there. I've never really been one for missing people, so that's a really, really scary phenomenon for me. I can't really iterate how terrifying it is to feel like that.
Anyway. I'm ready to go back to Chicago to await the spring and see everyone and learn new things. It's a big new term for me, but I'm going to try my hardest to stay uncomplicated and happy, to be the friend that I should be, and work hard and go to sleep tired every night.
Yesterday, after my exam, I decided that I needed to get out of my apartment and off campus for a little bit. I wanted to go to services - I've only been once since I've been back, and I've really missed that part of my week. But, it was forecasted to snow again and I detest driving on 41 on anything less than optimal conditions.
Bill and I decided to go grocery shopping. I needed mushrooms for my pasta, and more breakfast cereal, and he needed food. The boy has been eating, quite literally, gruel, because he ran out of food on Wednesday and we haven't had any time to do anything but study. In fact, we still don't, with four more exams this week, but we have to eat, too. So, I went to dig out my car.
We have just had a ridiculous amount of snow this week. On Tuesday night, it was doing this really gross slushy, sleety thing, which naturally froze, and then was immediately covered by the massive amount of snow we received on Wednesday. So, upon digging out my car (which had also been plowed in, and drifted in the front), I removed almost all of the snow, but that ice layer was impenetrable. We ended up taking his car.
I hate grocery shopping by myself - it's one of those things that, in my world, requires other people. I cook some really just bizarre things sometimes, and it's useful to have someone else around to say, "No, Melissa. You are the only person in the world that would ever think that was good." If I can't get anyone else to go with me, or if I go alone while on my way home from somewhere else, I'm on my phone (if it's late enough). So, we went, and it was quite the event - really, lots of fun. And after that, I studied for a few hours and went to watch "Pride and Prejudice" with Britt and Chloe, and slept in this morning!
I now have everything I need so that I don't have to leave campus, even if I want to. I might try to wander to a Caribou later in the day, if I can garner the energy to finish breaking up the ice under my car. Or I might just stay here. It's supposed to get very cold again tonight - I can't wait until spring!
To be sure, I am not a winter person. How I ended up in this barren, frozen wasteland in the middle of winter, I have no idea. Or wait... nope. Definitely brought this on myself. Why didn't I try to go anywhere south of the Mason-Dixon? Texas? Virginia? Someplace with palm trees? Or really, any winter vegetation? I'm so not picky. I want tulips and daffodils, and I want them in short order.
It's been snowing, it seems continuously, for days. I've always appreciated a good occasional snow, but this is too much for me. And it comes at the worst possible time, when I really want to be out and studying, but now can no longer safely drive to a coffee shop for a break. I'm not sure I'll even be able to make it to services on Friday evening, which I want desperately to attend, because I've been missing it badly the last few weeks. I need those few hours every week to renew, to feel like I come back fresh, to converse with a few people who exist outside this world I'm confined to for most of the week.
I think that this is what they call "stir crazy."
It doesn't help that my personal life is in something of a flux right now. I don't know up from down right now, and there are some generally unsettling things that are happening. There aren't many people here that I can talk to about it, which is frustrating, but it's a function of the place and the people and the relationships. I have great friends here, but I miss Lacey and Lindsay and Beth. There are times when I wonder if it wouldn't just be easier to forget about this whole "social" facet of my life, and just have "work friends," who exist solely in that single sphere of my life. The problem with that becomes that medical school, more often than not, is the only sphere. And I'm not really willing to lock myself into the loneliness that solution seems to imply.
Anyway, I haven't been writing publicly enough lately. I have some thoughts that I've been gathering lately, but they have not yet been properly organized, and most of the good, juicy stuff has either been confined to my "neighborhood," which seems to consist almost entirely of Lacey and Dora, and the paper journal I occasionally write in to record just a few secrets. I'm sure I'll be better about it after finals are over and I can sort of regain my emotional footing. I'll be home for a few days at the end of the month, which will probably be immensely helpful.
Patrick: If I ever get into a blind date, I'm going to introduce myself as a "self-proclaimed right-wing nutjob."
Melissa: hahahaha
Patrick: Just to see the jaw drop.
Melissa: and i'm going to introduce myself as a pinko-commie feminazi.
Patrick: That'd be rad.
Patrick: Make it clear that men are simply tools for procreation, nothing more, nothing less.
Melissa: "Here's this cup."
Melissa: "and this paper bag."
Melissa: and you'd better pay child support, you asshole.
Patrick: "You like it doggy style? Really? I prefer 'in vitro' style."
We had a week of midterms last week, so I spent this weekend avoiding, to the best of my ability, being a medical student. Activities included:
- Visiting and going out with an old friend from Chicago
- Going shopping for cute jeans
- Having a photo odyssey at the Chicago Botanic Garden (results here)
- Sitting in the Rabbi and Rona's sukkah for almost two hours, talking, and eating figs
- Grocery shopping
1. Finished my last midterm
2. Walked around Winnetka before services because I got there early and it was so nice out, and I wanted to be in the world for a little bit.
3. Went to services, which are rapidly becoming what I look forward to during the week.
4. Drank. Not a lot, but enough.
5. Ate fast food for the first time since I moved to Chicago.
6. Stayed up til 4AM talking with an old friend.
7. Walked barefoot in the grass outside my apartment building while I was on the phone.
Still to come: Cleaning my apartment, shopping, Chicago Botanical Gardens, grocery shopping, sukkah dining at the rabbi's.
Weekends like these remind me that I am indeed still a human being.
